I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
