so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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