i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Randomize
