spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
