So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
What changed your mind?
Being sober
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
