I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
