words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
