I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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