she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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