yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
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