Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
