11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
