She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
