i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
