is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
