How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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