he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
