Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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