Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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