Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
