a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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