Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
