Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
