Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
