Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
then he tried to convert me to islam
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
