Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
