god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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