no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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