i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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