i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
