There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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