i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
