This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
