my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
