Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
