Your face is a jimmy john
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
