is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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