I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
