my phone needs a breathalizer
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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