I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
