Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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