I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's official drugs can't kill me
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
