I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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