Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
