i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
