I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
