i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
