White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
