He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
