you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
