So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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